August 2010
I'm baaaaack!
Tanned as fuck, sleeping schedule screwed up, hair long and tangly, and ready for this year to kick my ass. Fuck yeah I’m back!
Oh boy...
okay, so my team and I are on a retreat. In Santa Barbara. Sounds magical right? WRONG. It is an old nunnery. Only it’s designed like an insane asylum mixed with an old war hospital. And now we were just scared shitless by the sound of moving furniture. WHAT THE FUCK, WE ARE SOOO GOING TO DIE!! AAAAH!! I’M SCARED!! HELP ME!!
It's interesting...
I’m always judging couples. Always timing them. Always envious of their happiness. Wishing I had just an ouce of that joy of knowing that someone out there in the world has eyes only for you. It is the feeling of bliss and safety. And for me, the feeling of jealousy. Yet…I was one of them. I was the one being hated for being so happy. I was the one girls hated. I was the one people...
I wonder...
how long can I keep lying to myself?
pretending everything is all right?
hoping for that impossible fairy tale?
….before I stop wondering and just give up.
As always.
I love you the most and have my entire life. Yet I don’t even cross your mind. What’s the point? I’m sorry I am not so readily available. I’m sorry that I just don’t “get it”. I’m sorry we are soooo damned different. I am sorry this breaks my heart.
It starts off texting all the time. Sending each...
